Just Three Days

Pardon the divergence from your regularly scheduled programming here, but I have to tell you all a tale.
It is a tale that begins Monday night of this week, and extends through today – and God bless it, I hope not through any more days for a very long time.
On Monday night, I was meeting friends for supper, despite the fact that when I finish a big project like, say, a degree, I tend to get a temporary sort of narcolepsy that leaves me slipping off to sleep just about anywhere. Trying to do anything in this state can be an adventure of its own, but what really kicked this evening off happened before the half-asleep four course meal.
I live in a basement, which means anytime other people are home the ceiling shakes so hard it seems that it’s about to fall on my head. I also hear all the conversations and their television makes my windows rattle. So, on Monday night, I knew someone was home, but as I ascended the stairs into the kitchen, I swiftly learned that whoever was home was engaging in some nefarious activities. I almost choked on the smoke.
So, on the way to girl’s night, I had to text my landlady and inform her she may want to investigate what her teenage daughter was up to that afternoon. As you can imagine, despite my exhaustion, this did not make me eager to return home.
It seemed the weather wasn’t eager for me to return home either, because it began pouring rain. My friend and I stopped for groceries and drove the last several miles home sitting in rainwater puddles. Naturally, drenched though we were, we were eager to be less drenched, so we carefully plotted the dash to the garage door so I could buzz us in – only the garage door was stalled half open, so it took five attempts to get it to open properly, and once we entered, it took all of thirty seconds to realize we were locked out.
Back into the rain we went, and as I reached for the hidden key, a bolt of lightning snapped through the sky and the following thunder shook the entire front porch. It did, in fact, take me a full thirty seconds to feel sure I hadn’t been zapped.
Exhausted, we slept for much of the next day and spent the rest of it packing. When most of my apartment was squashed up into boxes, we sat on the couch to relax. Only, that relaxation was rudely interrupted…for hours and hours.
WARNING: the below paragraph contains information about certain creatures that live in my apartment. If you will have nightmares, as I will, skip to the next paragraph.
Over the course of an hour, we slayed three spiders in my living room. Now, the basement I live in is jam packed with disgusting bugs of all kinds and I loathe it with all of my being, but because of this three spiders is not as huge a deal as it might otherwise be. However, when I went in to go to bed, I decided to stay awake for a bit and read. Until I looked up and saw two dime sized spiders scampering around overhead. Naturally, I summoned my friend to do the killing for me, and as she walked in, she spotted and killed two more demonic yellow-green spiders . And so on. Until within twenty minutes, we had killed eleven spiders. In. My. Bedroom. And on top of that, the last spider that emerged was quarter-sized…and dodged the shoe we were beating it with, leaping instead to some undetermined location in or around my bed.
Obviously there was to be no sleeping after these events, but it was 1 am and therefore too late to call anyone, and we were much too poor and cheap to pay for a hotel room.
This left the car.
So, at 1:15 am, I loaded four blankets, three pillows, two books, and all our electronics into my laundry basket, and we crept up the stairs and into the garage. In the garage, the door was once again propped halfway open, and given the issues with the garage door the night before, we didn’t dare try to open or close it, especially given the hour. My friend waddled through first, and was yea close to success when she stood up to fast and slammed into the bottom of the door so hard I thought it might fall off completely. I, on the other hand, did a remarkably ninja-like tuck and roll…during which I slammed my knee and scraped my elbow.
Once in her car with the seats folded down, we proceeded to spend the next six hours shivering, elbowing each other, attempting to nest into the rock hard floor of the car, and catching snatches of sleep between the melodious yowling of cats, rumbling of cars passing by us, and, in the morning, the racket of garbage trucks passing by and the possibility of some suspicious neighbor peeking in the car and calling the cops on us.
Today, following our impressive 3.2 hours of sleep, we packed most of the rest of my stuff and then, in a fit of ambition, decided to run errands.
We got lost on the way to the DMV. Then we tried to find a post office, and also got lost in that attempt, until we realize it was locked in an inaccessible construction zone, upon which we gave up and went to the grocery store. My friend is preparing to do a health food month, and in accordance with that need we attempted to locate ghee. Let me skim over this part and explain that, by the end of it, we had an assistant manager, two stock workers, a cashier, and a back room stock manager involved in the hunt.
The only thing we did successfully was hit up the half price books. I bought twelve.
Anyways, I’m settled in for the evening now and hoping for a calm, peaceful, silent evening. Creature-free. But I’m not holding my breath.
Tell me have you ever had a stretch of time you just can’t quite believe was real? Been through some events you can’t even believe happened? Tell me about them!


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